In which we reveal that we are scared of the entire planet.

02 Jun

“High above the rugged border, an unmanned Predator B drone equipped with night-vision cameras and cloud-piercing radar has scanned the landscape for signs of smugglers, illegal immigrants or terrorists.

“Armed agents checked the identification of border crossers while radiation sensors and other devices monitored vehicles entering by road. Soon, a network of telescopic and infrared video cameras mounted atop 80-foot metal towers will rise above key locations.”

-LATimes, May, 2009

This does not describe security precautions in Iraq, nor at the US/Mexican border.  These would be the conditions imposed at the Canadian/US border.  Because apparently the “terrorists” are coming in from all fronts!  They are all over the place!   OMG!  Duck and cover!  Buy duct tape!

Actually, Mexico complained that they were being unfairly treated as regards to border security, so we decided to even things out.  In the name of fairness.  Because, really now, we shouldn’t be afraid of just brown people; white people hate us, too.  Well, white people who aren’t Americans. Okay, maybe even Americans; the ones who may have travelled to Canada, gotten infected by some fancy-pants notion of free speech or some such crap up there in the terrorist-loving (c’mon, everybody KNOWS it) north and now think they are going to actually come back in here, completely unmolested, just because they think they have some RIGHT to or something.  Crimeny.  Janet Napolitano, our current Person in Charge of Scaring the Shit Out of the Public , aka the secretary of Homeland Security, made a claim recently that we have “known terrorists attempting to come through at the Canadian border” all the time.  When pressed for the numbers, she named Ahmed Ressam, the “millennium bomber” who thought he would blow up LA International Airport in 1999, but whose plans were thwarted when he was caught coming off a ferry from Canada.  I find it passing odd that no-one thought to counter that statement with the obvious point that the border security in place then – pre-9/11, mind you – was apparently sufficient to catch the guy. She also (weirdly) named the 9/11 attackers, who most certainly did NOT come in from Canada, as having come in from the north. When pressed further, she retreated to the old scare them shitless for their own good refrain of,  “we know of others, but national security prevents me from naming them,”  scaring them shitless being in her job title and all.  [….dah, dah, DUM, scary music rises in the background as reporters look around seeking the source of the sound.  The next question asked of Napolitano was, “Why is it that every time we talk to you or Dick Cheney, scary music noises come from nowhere?”  Reportedly, she laughed.  Like this, “Bwah, ha, ha.”]  Okay, everything in the brackets I made up; the rest is true.

According to, in an article from canwest news service (June 1, ’09), some of the Indian tribes whose lands cross the border on both the American and Canadian sides  have taken affront at the idea that border patrol guard units will now, as of June 1, be allowed to carry weapons on reservation land.  The Indians were able to shut down the guard units temporarily yesterday and the Canadian government is trying to decide what to do about this conundrum.  They don’t want to interfere with the tribes, who have sovereign rights to declare a “no-weapons” area in their own lands, but also feel a need to appease the frightened masses of American politicians who have insisted on this ramping up of security measures.  As an aside, I think investing in stocks of whatever company makes Tums and toilet paper manufacturers would be a sure bet for future returns.  We have got some seriously scared politicians, not to mention the countless citizens on whom the fear-mongering works,  and I bet ya they go through TONS of this stuff every day.

Now we must increase the military budget, post-haste, hire some more mercenaries to act as guards, and utilize some of the Economic Recovery Act funds to man the ramparts.  Get out some drone aircraft and Blackhawk helicopters.  I kid you not, we are doing these things.

Given how few terrorists have entered from the north (ONE. And he was easily caught and is serving a jail sentence), or from the south (that would be ZERO; drug smugglers and gun-runners being a problem, but not being terrorists), I have to wonder if the idea isn’t to keep “them” out, as claimed, but to keep us in.  Ever think about that?



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